are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
