How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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