just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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