Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
