Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
