i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
