i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize