I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize