When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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