Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
