happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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