I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
