Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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