I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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