I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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