you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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