Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Where is the hickey?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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