i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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