I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
