new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
