just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
