i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
