How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
