Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
