you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
