this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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