maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
