then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
