Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
