I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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