Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
