Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
