Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize