i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
