Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i think i just lost a toe
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
