i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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