Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
