I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
