I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
