Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
