And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
