He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
