I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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