kristin has been a bad kristin
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
