The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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