I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
