Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
