Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
