it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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