remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
