weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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