I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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