I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
