last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
