11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize