apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize