Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
