Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
