I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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