I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
