ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
