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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
