she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
