Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
