We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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