How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
