i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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