remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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