I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
