i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
