She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
