I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
