I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
